Feng Shui Masters Now Charging More Than HDB Resale Flats in Singapore

Singaporean property owners, desperate to appease the invisible forces governing their $1.5 million shoeboxes, are now facing an unprecedented crisis: the depletion of suitable Feng Shui masters. Demand has skyrocketed since the government quietly announced that all future BTO launches will be randomly oriented to face the direction of ‘maximum economic uncertainty.’

“Wah, the queue for Master Tan is longer than for the new iPhone! Last time, I just move my sofa a bit, kena fine for obstructing the *qi* flow,” lamented Mr. Wee, wiping sweat from his brow while trying to balance a jade tortoise on a leaning tower of unopened property loan documents.

Industry experts confirm that the spiritual real estate market is now forcing desperate homeowners to hire unqualified, YouTube-certified ‘Qi Consultants’ who charge extra for performing rituals involving artisanal kombucha and suspiciously shaped crystals. The ultimate irony, sources suggest, is that the only truly auspicious spot in any Singaporean flat remains the void deck, as it’s the only place nobody can afford to buy.

When asked for comment, a spokesperson from the Ministry of Home Affairs stated, "We encourage all residents to maintain good spiritual alignment, or risk facing an audit from the Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore *and* the Heavenly Bureaucracy."