Singapore CBD Office Now Legally Classified As High-Security Human Zoo

The Singapore Ministry of National Development has officially reclassified all CBD office buildings as “non-voluntary wellness retreats.”

Property developers argue that the total lack of natural light and the pervasive scent of human despair are essential for “corporate spiritual awakening.”

Rent for a desk no larger than a child’s coffin has skyrocketed, as CEOs claim the proximity to a broken communal microwave constitutes a “Michelin-star lifestyle.”

Workers are now legally required to view their 14-hour shifts as a form of high-intensity, unpaid meditation.

“Siao eh, my boss say the office got ‘dynamic energy’ but I only feel the air-con blowing my soul away,” complained junior analyst Lim Kopi.

“He say if I want see sun, I can go look at the screensaver on my laptop, don’t be so spoiled leh.”

Human Resources has replaced all chairs with spikes to ensure employees remain “proactive” until their inevitable 2 a.m. mental collapse.