Singapore Condo Guards Now Require Loyalty Oaths For Late-Night Entry

In a move set to redefine the concept of property management, the management committee of The Pinnacle Residences announced yesterday that all residents must now submit a formal application, complete with a notarised declaration of loyalty to the condominium’s Head Security Officer (HSO), Mr. Kian, if they wish to enter their own homes after 10 pm.

The decision follows a tense standoff last Tuesday when an elderly resident, Mrs. Tan, was quizzed for 45 minutes about the brand of instant noodles she was carrying into the lobby. “He look at my plastic bag like I carrying contraband *Mee Siam*,” she lamented. “So *sian*, I tell him, ‘Eh, you think you Captain America ah? Just let me go in, lah!’”

Mr. Kian, defending the new protocol, stated firmly, “This is about *order*. If you cannot respect the one-metre boundary around the guardhouse booth, you cannot respect the sanctity of the swimming pool deck. Next time, better stay in your unit. Don't make me call the town council for *sabo*.” Sources suggest the HSO is currently lobbying for the introduction of mandatory morning parades for all residents before accessing the mail room.