Singapore Couple Spends $5M On Elite School’s Literal Trash Compactor For Proximity

Singapore’s property market has reached a state of enlightened psychosis as a local couple recently paid $5.2 million for a premium trash compactor located exactly 300 metres from a prestigious primary school. The “industrial-chic studio,” which features zero ventilation and a lingering scent of fermented waste, was marketed as a “once-in-a-lifetime educational gateway.”

“Must buy lah, don’t play play!” said Mrs. Koh, who now sleeps in a fetal position to avoid the hydraulic press. “If my boy don’t get into this school, he confirm become total failure. You think I want him to mix with those neighbourhood school kids? Don’t pray pray ah, his future is worth more than my spine.”

Analysts predict that by 2027, the 1km radius premium will become so extreme that parents will happily pay $8 million to live inside the school’s actual sewage system, provided it guarantees a Phase 2B slot and a lifetime of elitist bragging rights.