Singapore Education Officially Outsourcing Student Brains to Ghostwriters

The Ministry of Education (MOE) has confirmed it is shifting resources to formalise the lucrative ‘Assignment Ghostwriting Underground Economy’ (AGUE), acknowledging its indispensable role in maintaining the nation’s 100th percentile global rankings. Sources suggest the new MOE subsidiary, ‘The Paper Chasers’, will offer certified, A*-guaranteed essays for a tiered fee, with premium dissertation ghosting costing more than a HDB resale flat. “Steady lah, now I don’t need to panic finish assignment last minute, can just top-up,” stated one visibly relieved Primary Six student. Analysts predict this move will free up valuable student time previously wasted on ‘learning’ to focus on more critical national pursuits, like mastering queue etiquette for bubble tea. “It’s efficient, sia. Why pretend to know Keynesian economics when you can just pay someone who actually knows?” a parent was overheard saying at a Parkway Parade Starbucks.