Singapore Grants Sovereign Diplomatic Immunity To Single Packet Of FairPrice Tissue

Singapore has officially recognised a packet of FairPrice tissues as a sovereign entity with more legal power than the High Court.

This legislation confirms that a 10-cent packet of wood pulp on a greasy hawker table creates a forcefield even the Special Operations Command cannot bypass.

Ministry spokesperson, Tan Ah Kow, stated the tissue is the ultimate deterrent against foreign invasion and hungry aunties.

"You see this tissue? This one not just for nose one, this one is my empire, you touch you die ah!"

Diplomats are reportedly studying the "Chope System" to resolve international border disputes by dropping Kleenex on contested islands.

"I put packet there since 10am, even if I go JB for massage and come back, table still mine, don't play play!"

Moving a tissue packet is now punishable by public caning and immediate social exile.

- By Benjamin Koh