Singapore Mandates Mid-Career Pivot: Re-sit O-Levels to Prevent Existential Crises

In a bold new move to combat mid-career ennui, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) has announced that all citizens aged 35 and above must now undergo a mandatory “Pivot-to-Poly” programme. Successful completion requires mastering a subject their 12-year-old self failed spectacularly. "We need fresh perspectives, like a 45-year-old insurance agent suddenly becoming proficient in Particle Physics or, god forbid, *Art*," stated a MOM spokesperson. Early reports suggest the national stress index is rocketing, yet civil servants remain undeterred. One participant, Mrs. Tan, lamented, “*Aiyo, I spent twenty years climbing up, now must go back Primary Six for coding? KNN, I rather just resign and sell goreng pisang lah.*” The government assures the public this is merely an "agile upskilling initiative."