Singapore Mandates Silence: Phone Calls Now Require Government-Approved Semaphore System

The Ministry of Transport (MOT) has finally cracked the code on achieving true national harmony: absolute silence on public transport. Following weeks of public outcry—mostly from people whose inner monologue is louder than a jet engine—the government announced a radical new initiative. Henceforth, all phone conversations on MRTs and buses must be conducted via a complex, multi-stage semaphore system, or, failing that, exclusively through pre-approved, 140-character SMS messages displayed on a miniature, government-issued scroll.

“*Aiyo, steady lah, if cannot keep quiet, then better stay home and talk to your cat,*” commented one bewildered commuter, Mr. Alan Lim, struggling to signal his wife about dinner using only his eyebrows. The MOT assures the public this is merely an ‘early phase’ before mandatory brain implants translate thoughts directly into legally binding, silent emojis. Failure to comply will result in a S$500 fine and a stern, silent glare from a LTA officer.