Singapore MCST Authorises Tactical Airstrike on Resident’s Unauthorised Balcony Towel

The Management Corporation Strata Title (MCST) of *The Gilded Rectum* luxury residences has officially authorised a "shoot-to-kill" policy for any resident caught drying a floor mat over their balcony railing. This decisive action follows a decade of passive-aggressive WhatsApp messages that failed to rectify the "visual pollution" of a $2 IKEA rug.

"Wah lau, I tell you already, this is Class A luxury condo, not some cheap kampong," spat Committee Chairman, Desmond Lim, while polishing his security guard’s baton. "One more person put their wet underwear on the ledge, I personally go up and throw them down first. Property value is everything, understand?"

The MCST has also commissioned a fleet of tactical drones to monitor "suspiciously cheap" flower pots. Any resident found using a plastic bucket as a planter will be detained in the bin centre for re-education. "Small sacrifice for the capital gains lor," noted one resident.