Singapore MRT Rebrands as Public Steam Room to Justify Fare Hike

The Land Transport Authority has officially designated all MRT carriages as "unisex industrial-grade saunas" to better reflect the daily commute.

Commuters are encouraged to savour the pungent aroma of 400 desperate office workers marinating in their own fermented juices.

LTA spokesperson, Tan Bo Jiao, stated that the slippery floors are not a safety hazard but part of a new "Hydro-Slide" exit strategy.

"Wah lau, the train so humid I can literally taste the uncle next to me one," complained regular commuter, Ah Huat.

"I don't need to shower already, just stand in Circle Line and the perspiration from 50 strangers wash me clean, sibeh efficient!"

Officials confirmed that the grey sludge on the handrails is actually "liquid national unity."

Future plans include installing eucalyptus dispensers to mask the scent of decaying human dignity.