Singapore Replaces Bus Leaning With Mandatory, Taxable Pole Holding

In a bold move to curb carbon emissions, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) has announced that all public bus poles will now be actively "pole-held" by designated, salaried commuters. The scheme, dubbed 'Active Posture Transport Initiative' (APTI), replaces passive leaning with mandatory, physically engaging hand-to-pole contact. Unused poles will be swiftly removed, according to sources.

"Aiyah, must hold one ah? My arm damn tired already, just wanna scroll TikTok!" complained one commuter, visibly straining during the trial run.

A government spokesman confirmed the pivot: "Singaporeans must contribute. Leaning is inefficient; holding promotes core strength. We are moving beyond mere *pole-leaning*—we are monetising stability. Failure to maintain 90-degree grip will result in a stern warning, followed by a hefty fine for 'public infrastructure abuse'." Critics note that private vehicle owners, who merely sit, are exempt from this bizarre physical imposition.