Singapore Replaces Chilli Crab With 'Slightly Chewier' Cricket Dish To Save On Oil Subsidies

In a move lauded by absolutely no one outside the Ministry of Silly Walks, Singapore has officially mandated that all hawker centres must replace their popular $5 char siew rice with 'Grasshopper Gourmet' by Q3. The national culinary pivot comes after a government white paper concluded that the nation’s collective cholesterol levels were becoming "too aspirational."

Sources report that the Ministry of Flavour Integration is already drafting legislation to replace chilli crab with ‘Deep-Fried Ant Larvae Surprise’ next year. One bewildered patron at Tiong Bahru Market, Mr. Tan, could only mutter, “*Aiyo, sibei atas lah. Next time must bring my own sambal just to pretend I eating proper food, can or not?*” Experts predict Singaporeans will reach Peak Protein when they realise they have paid $15 for a plate of crickets that tastes suspiciously like the prawn paste they were trying to avoid in the first place. Defence Minister has suggested integrating dried mealworms into NS rations for ‘Maximum Crunch Efficiency.’