Singapore Schools Now Mandate ‘Intimate Mentorship’ for Top Academic Performance

In a stunning move to streamline pastoral care, Singapore's Ministry of Education (MOE) has announced that all teacher-student "guidance sessions" will now be held exclusively in dimly lit, soundproofed rooms previously earmarked for disciplinary reflection. Sources confirm the new guidelines stress the importance of "holistic mentorship" extending beyond the curriculum. A parent, visibly bewildered while waiting for his daughter, remarked, “Wah lau eh, this one power lah. My boy say his Pri 4 Science teacher now teach him about Newton’s Third Law, very *hands-on* one.” MOE assures the public this is merely an efficiency drive to foster "deeper connections" necessary for future national competitiveness. Apparently, high-stakes testing requires high-stakes bonding.