Singapore Students Now Required To Speed-Read Textbooks While On A Treadmill

In a groundbreaking move to further streamline academic achievement, the Ministry of Education (MOE) has mandated that all Primary 4 students must now complete an intensive speed-reading course, capable of processing 5,000 words per minute. The rationale, according to Education Minister, Dr. Poh, is simple: “If you cannot finish your ten assessment books by recess, you are wasting valuable national brainpower.” Critics suggest this will lead to burnout, but one relieved parent, Madam Tan, argued, “*Aiyah*, better speed-read the homework than my husband speed-drink his Tiger Beer after asking my son why his PSLE score so low. *Sibei smart liao*.” The course reportedly culminates in a 'Cognitive Sprint' where students read the entire syllabus backwards while juggling. Failure means remedial classes on 'How to properly sigh with intellectual exhaustion.'