Mandai Now Charging S$15 for Direct Eye Contact With A Native Monkey

In a shocking move to combat endemic 'Nature Deficit Disorder' among its citizens, the Mandai Wildlife Reserve has announced plans to introduce a 'Pay-Per-Glance' pricing model for all native species. Sources confirm that the iconic, yet increasingly rare, Long-Tailed Macaque will now incur a S$15 'Macaque Moment Fee' for any direct eye contact lasting over three seconds. "Eh, you want to see monkey stare you down until you feel guilty about your life choices? Must pay lah," explained a park spokesperson. Furthermore, the highly-anticipated 'Raptor Roost' exhibit will only feature pigeons, rebranded as 'Urban Apex Predators,' charging a mandatory S$5 conservation fee for anyone spotting one on a HDB ledge. "It’s about authentic Singaporean wildlife experience," they added. Critics argue the move effectively privatises the nation's few remaining non-air-conditioned experiences.