MINDEF Classifies ‘Dear John’ Texts As Psychological Warfare In Singapore

The Ministry of Defence has officially classified “Dear John” breakup texts as a more lethal form of psychological warfare than actual biological weapons.

While Recruit Koh is currently camouflaging his face with green cream in a mosquito-infested swamp, his girlfriend is reportedly being “tutored” by a 28-year-old investment banker named Sebastian.

Recent data suggests the average duration of a relationship during National Service is shorter than the shelf-life of a packet of vegetable curry rations.

“Sian bro, she say she busy with hall life, but I see her IG story at Zouk with some SPF regular,” lamented Private Lee while staring intensely at his pink IC.

His Encik later provided expert counselling, shouting, “Walao, she find one replacement who don’t need ask sergeant for permission to go toilet, you still here digging shellhole for what?”

The SAF is now considering issuing tactical tissues to recruits who realise their only long-term relationship is with their SAR21.