National Service Singapore: Encik Scolding Now Mandatory Certification Course

In a move that has shocked absolutely nobody who has ever entered a Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) barracks, the Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has officially announced the mandatory "Encik Scolding" module for all Operationally Ready National Servicemen (NSmen). The course, replacing the traditional 'Aptitude Test for Waiting for Water Parade', aims to certify recruits in the intricate art of receiving a 45-minute, face-to-face tirade from a superior warrant officer.

Sources confirm the module requires recruits to maintain a perfect 'at attention' stance while absorbing advanced insults regarding their lineage, mother’s cooking, and general fitness for a job that involves standing still. “*Sibei shiok lah!* Finally, they recognize our true talent,” commented one seasoned NSman, polishing his spectacles. “I can now officially tell my boss I spent two years training to be a human punching bag for a Sergeant Major.” MINDEF assures the public that this refined scolding technique will significantly boost Singapore’s readiness against existential threats, provided the threat is limited to poorly ventilated cookhouses.