Oatside Rebrands 50-Cent Soy Milk To Scam Aesthetic-Obsessed Sinkies

Local oat milk giant Oatside has announced a revolutionary breakthrough in beverage technology: the discovery of the soya bean.

After years of milking soggy grains for the benefit of lactose-intolerant hipsters, the brand plans to "rejuvenate" the sector by selling the exact same liquid found in hawker centres, but at a 500% markup.

"Soya milk is currently uncool, so we removed the 'beany' taste and replaced it with aesthetic branding that validates your empty existence," stated the Chief Executive Bean-Juicer.

The new range targets "health-conscious" Sinkies who enjoy paying $3 for items their grandmothers bought for 50 cents in a plastic bag.

"Wah lau, liddat also can?" asked one confused influencer.

"Last time I drink soya bean, people say I cheapskate; now I hold this box, I am lifestyle icon. Power lah!"