Singapore Bank CEO Earns $9.6M For Not Deleting The App

The new Head Honcho of Singapore’s favourite digital-outage simulator has secured a modest $9.6 million for her first nine months, proving that "girl bossing" is significantly more lucrative when you’re holding everyone’s mortgage.

The package includes $68,000 for "car and driver benefits," presumably because walking among the common folk might result in catching "poverty" or, heaven forbid, having to use the MRT.

Despite a 3% profit dip, the board insisted a $737,250 "retention award" was vital to prevent her from suddenly defecting to become a professional mahjong player.

"Wah lau, nine million for nine months? I work nine months only get scolded by boss and free OT," grumbled one local resident while eating plain bread.

The bank remains committed to "innovation," which mostly involves finding creative ways to pay executives while the ATM network occasionally takes a nap.