Singapore Government Grants Protected Heritage Status To Sentosa’s Cigarette Butt Ecosystem

The National Environment Agency (NEA) has officially designated East Coast Park as the world’s first "Post-Consumer Plastic Sanctuary." Authorities are urging citizens to discard bubble tea cups directly into the surf to preserve the natural habitat of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch’s local cousin.

"Wah piang, last time got so many Tiger Beer cans, now so empty, very sian one," complained beach-goer, Lim Kopi. "If I don't throw my dabao box here, how the crabs going to find house? You want them stay HDB ah?"

NEA spokesperson, Tan Bo Jio, confirmed that the layer of oily sheen and discarded flip-flops provides essential UV protection for jellyfish, who are reportedly "too damn high-SES" for clean water.