Singapore Government Replaces Temasek Holdings With Two Men In A Lion Costume

In a nation built on "meritocracy," thousands of Singaporeans have collectively decided that their retirement plan is now just staring at fruit scraps on a mall floor.

Economic experts confirm that a sweaty teenager in a polyester lion head has a higher success rate than any wealth manager at DBS.

Desperate Sinkies were seen sprinting through VivoCity, trampling toddlers just to catch a glimpse of a discarded mandarin orange peel that might resemble a ‘7’.

The Ministry of Manpower has officially listed "Lion Dance Stalker" as a high-growth career path for retrenched PMETs who are tired of Grab driving.

Singapore Pools is reportedly considering replacing their expensive draw machines with a bowl of oranges and a hungry lion to save on overhead.

Meanwhile, the "I didn't buy, can cry" crowd is currently being treated for clinical depression at IMH.

Our financial future now rests entirely on the bowel movements of a mythical beast made of wire and sequins.