Singapore Man Hospitalised After Sentosa Sand Turns His Testicles Into Breaded Cutlets

Health officials have issued a national warning after a local man was admitted to SGH with “deep-fried scrotum syndrome” following a romantic sunset stroll at Palawan Beach. Witnesses say the victim, who attempted a mid-afternoon heavy petting session, was accidentally breaded by a lethal combination of 99% humidity and government-imported sand.

Medical experts claim that the Singaporean beach date is a “biochemical hazard” to the libido. “The sand is basically crushed glass and the water is 40% cargo ship discharge,” said Dr. Tan. “If you try to get frisky, you aren’t making love; you’re exfoliating your internal organs.”

Local victim, 24-year-old Darren, complained about the sensory nightmare. “Wah lao, I thought very romantic right? But the sun damn hot, my kkj sweating like waterfall, and the sand go inside my underwear. Now the skin feel like it kena sandpaper. Everything pain like fuck already sia, next time go air-con mall better.”

Government agencies recommend that citizens stick to air-conditioned basements if they wish to maintain their reproductive capabilities.