Singapore Man Refuses Life-Saving CPR Due To Incorrect Cashback Merchant Code

Singaporeans are now sacrificing their firstborn children to banking gods for a 0.5% increase in monthly rebates.

Local guru Lim Kopi recently refused to perform CPR on a dying pedestrian because the man’s emergency didn’t qualify for the 'Dining' category.

"Eh, I check already, the hospital MCC code is different lah, I cannot waste my 8% multiplier for nothing one," Lim explained.

The national obsession has reached a fever pitch, with couples timing wedding vows to coincide with midnight resets of monthly spending caps.

One woman reportedly stayed in active labor for four hours so her bill would count toward her July statement.

"Doctor say push, I say wait, I need to hit $800 minimum spend or the whole month wasted liao!" she screamed.

The government is now considering a 'Survival Cashback' tier for those living on water and despair.