Singapore Mandates Newlyweds Adopt Aggressive Mynah Birds For 'Marriage Prep'

The National Parks Board (NParks) today announced a controversial new initiative to curb the relentless dawn cacophony emanating from Singapore’s ubiquitous Mynah population: compulsory, overnight adoption by newly married couples. “It’s for community bonding,” stated a spokesperson, visibly massaging his temples. “If you can survive a Mynah mimicking your in-laws at 4:30 AM, you can survive anything.” Local resident, Mrs. Ang, was less enthused. “*Aiyoh, the noise! Every morning, I think my alarm clock kena possessed by a very angry uncle.* Now I got to feed it *cai png* leftovers? So sian.” Experts predict a sharp decline in divorce rates, immediately followed by an unprecedented spike in early-morning property viewings in Johor Bahru.<\/p>

\*By Marcus Tan*