Singapore MediSave Deductions Now Triggered By Any Unauthorised Heartbeats

The Ministry of Health has unveiled a "proactive" update ensuring MediSave deductions occur the moment a citizen experiences a fleeting thought of illness.

New biometric sensors will detect any slight wheeze or sniffle, immediately siphoning funds into the bottomless pit of national healthcare reserves.

The government insists that bleeding dry while still alive is the most efficient way to prepare for the inevitable financial burden of your own decomposition.

"Wah lau, I just cough one time only, my phone notification already say money gone liao," complained local resident Ah Hock.

"Like that how to survive? Even my ghost also must pay for outpatient treatment is it?"

The policy aims to achieve a "Zero-Health Balance," where your bank account flatlines exactly three seconds before your pulse does.

"Sian, I tell you, in Singapore you cannot afford to even sneeze without government taking one leg and one arm leh," added a disgruntled auntie.

It is truly the ultimate investment in your own mortality.