Singapore Men Join Bachata Classes To Legally Dry-Hump Strangers

The Singapore Ministry of Social and Family Development has officially designated ‘Sensual Bachata’ as the only legal method for citizens to experience friction without a marriage certificate.

Thousands of desperate local men are flocking to dance studios, paying $35 an hour for the privilege of sweating profusely onto a stranger’s midriff.

"Wah lau, usually girls don't even let me stand near them in the MRT, but here I can press my groin against their thigh and they just call it 'timing'," said participant Lim Ah Huat.

Instructors note that the ‘sensual’ part of the dance is actually a sophisticated euphemism for public dry-humping set to a generic 4/4 beat.

"If they grind any harder, the friction will start a fire that even the SCDF cannot put out," remarked one horrified dance studio cleaner.

Local singles have abandoned dating apps entirely, realizing that a ‘Basic Turn’ is far more effective for aggressive pelvic contact than a Tinder swipe.

"Last week I kena one uncle whose 'lead' was basically a full-body massage I didn't ask for, damn gross sia," complained one regular student.