Singapore National Service Recruit Deploys Tactical Thirst To Avoid Post-ORD Loneliness

In a display of strategic desperation that would make Sun Tzu weep, Recruit Tan has launched a full-scale WhatsApp offensive from beneath his sweaty, SAR 21-scented blanket.

Having mastered the art of urban warfare, Tan is now applying those skills to "slide into the DMs" of a girl he last spoke to in secondary school.

Military experts suggest that the pathetic blue-light glow from his phone is the only thing keeping his morale from hitting the floor faster than a Private doing "knock it 20."

"Eh, I must text her now or later she kena jio by some regular with stable pay, then I shag already," Tan whispered while frantically hiding his phone from the Duty Officer.

"I tell her I stay out one, but actually I sibei suay and kena guard duty every weekend."

The SAF has yet to confirm if "delusional late-night thirst" will officially replace the IPPT as the primary cause of recruit heart failure.