Singapore NParks Classifies Red-Clad Park Drunkards As Highly Invasive Pest Species

National Parks Board (NParks) has officially classified the "Red-Clad Park Drunkard" as an invasive species following the National Day weekend.

These migratory pests, easily identified by their excessive sweat and budget lager, descend upon greenery to scream patriotic songs at terrified pigeons.

Wildlife experts noted that the species' mating call—a slurred rendition of 'Home'—is potent enough to cause local otters to commit suicide.

"Wah lao, I see them vomit in the bushes then salute the NDP fireworks like siao lang," said park regular Lim Ah Huat.

NParks suggests that instead of culling, they might simply charge the creatures for a permit to exist outdoors.