Singapore Officially Declares Judging Fashion Victims In Orchard Road A Sport

The Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth has officially gazetted the stone steps outside Ngee Ann City as a "High-Intensity Judging Zone."

Thousands of citizens have been deployed to sit and stare vacantly at passing crowds until the subjects’ self-worth completely evaporates.

This initiative seeks to weaponise the traditional Singaporean "lepak" into a lethal form of psychological warfare.

"I just sit here and count how many aunties carry fake Birkin," noted professional observer, Auntie Bee Geok.

"Siao eh, that boy hair color like kena electricity shock, his mother never teach him manners is it?"

Government officials confirmed that while the role is unpaid, the visceral thrill of silent, soul-crushing condemnation is a national treasure.