Singapore Otters Now Demanding HDB Flats To Mating Rituals

The National Parks Board (NParks) has issued a rare advisory this week, urging residents to stay indoors between 11 PM and 4 AM due to the annual peak of otter mating season. Experts claim the high-decibel squealing, which locals have dubbed “the screaming of lost souls trying to find a decent HDB,” is reaching unprecedented levels. “This year, the alpha males are particularly aggressive,” noted one bewildered cleaner. “Last night, I see one otter trying to fight a Volvo, shouting, ‘*Eh, you think you can just cut my lane like that, sia?!*’ So disruptive, man.” Authorities stress that while the otters are merely expressing their biological imperatives, residents should secure all balcony sliding doors to prevent any *unwanted* cross-species introductions. Officials confirmed compensation will *not* be provided for sleep deprivation or accidental family planning.