Singapore Parents Add Silent ‘H’ To Baby Names To Increase Resale Value

Singaporean couples are now legally required to insert at least three silent ‘h’s and an apostrophe into their newborn’s name to ensure the child isn't mistaken for a peasant.

Local mother, Mrs. Tan, recently renamed her son from ‘Jerry’ to ‘J’hh-ry-en’ to improve his future mating prospects.

“You think I want him to be average is it?” she barked while polishing a gold-plated pacifier.

“Later he go school, the teacher call 'Jerry' then ten people stand up, how? Must put 'H' one, so he look more high class and can find chiobu wife next time.”

Registry experts suggest that names like ‘Bhayb-ee’ and ‘Ky-lo-ren’ are the only way to ensure a child's reproductive success in a hyper-competitive dating market.

The government has warned that naming a child ‘Tan Ah Kow’ is now considered a form of child abuse punishable by public shaming.

“Wah lau, if my boyfriend name is just ‘Bob’ or ‘John’, I won’t even open my legs, please,” said local influencer Skay-lar-h.