Singapore Python Rescued From Peaceful Life By Handsy NParks Interns

A local Reticulated Python was forcibly "saved" today from its preferred habitat of a damp Bishan longkang.

The reptile, busy digesting a stray cat, was wrestled into a bag by men in tight polo shirts.

"Wah lau, I want to chill only, then this botak guy come and pull my tail for what?" the snake hissed.

Authorities claim the rescue prevents the snake from being turned into exotic leather bags on Orchard Road.

"Actually he very cute leh, but he keep trying to kiss my leg with his fangs," said witness Ah Huat.

The python is now "rehabilitated" in a forest where it will surely starve without its diet of expensive French Bulldogs.