Singapore Reclassifies Horseshoe Crabs As ‘Land Scarcity Culprits’

In a bold move to tackle the island’s persistent space crunch, the National Parks Board (NParks) has officially classified the Horseshoe Crab as ‘Excessive Heritage Clutter.’ Effective immediately, the ancient arthropods are being relocated from their traditional muddy habitats to designated “Pre-War Charm Zones” in obscure HDB void decks. Experts claim this move will free up valuable intertidal real estate for more profitable ventures, like building micro-pavilions for artisanal *kopi* stalls. “*Aiyoh, so many legs! Where got space to park my bicycle?*” complained resident Mrs. Tan, watching a relocation team gently tape a ‘Do Not Tap’ sign onto a particularly stubborn specimen. NParks assures the public that the crabs will be monitored for ‘optimal biodiversity contribution’—which is code for ‘making sure they don’t clog the drainage system.’