Singapore Reclassifies Stray Cats As ‘Mobile, Furry Landscape Features’

In a groundbreaking move to address the "stray crisis," the National Parks Board (NParks) announced today that all remaining unchipped community cats will be fitted with tiny, GPS-enabled designer harnesses, ensuring they never wander beyond the designated 'Aesthetic Viewing Zones' outside upscale condos. Experts claim this will boost Singapore’s biodiversity ratings by relocating felines to "more photogenic" areas, like the roof gardens of Marina Bay Sands. A distraught resident, Mdm. Helen Quek, lamented, "Aiyah, my Ah Boy always run away, now NParks say cannot walk so far one. Must stay near the koi pond only! So kiasu!" The programme, nicknamed 'Cat-alogue Singapore,' guarantees zero deviation from scheduled nap times.