Singapore Shocked Billionaires Aren’t Just Visiting For The Humidity

The Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore has launched a nationwide campaign to help citizens process the traumatic realisation that the city-state is effectively a high-security laundromat for global kleptocrats.

Officials are reportedly "baffled" that the sudden influx of 5,000 family offices and diamond-encrusted Ferraris wasn't simply due to the island’s superior urban greenery and efficient drainage.

"We honestly thought they just really enjoyed the Changi Jewel waterfall," stated one spokesperson while accidentally shredding a file labelled 'Panama Papers 2.0'.

"Lau ya, everybody know already what," said local resident Ah Hock.

"You see the mansion, you see the gold bar, then you see the face, confirm plus chop they hiding money one lah!"

The government plans to combat the "tax haven" label by increasing GST on your $4 hawker lunch, ensuring the poor continue to subsidise the ethical vacuum of the ultra-rich.

"Government act blur, we live longer, win-win lor!" added Auntie Tan.