Singapore Woman Declared National Intelligence Asset After Finding Ex’s Date's PSLE Score

The Ministry of Home Affairs has officially replaced its entire surveillance department with a single 23-year-old girl from Jurong East.

Clarissa Lim, who discovered her ex-boyfriend’s new "spiritual healer" was actually a disgraced part-time foot-model from Tampines within four minutes, is being hailed as a national security asset.

"I just see his IG story got one tiny reflection in the silver spoon only," Clarissa explained while refreshing a private account’s follower list for the 400th time today.

"Then I go TikTok find the cafe, check the tagged photos, then boom—I know her primary school, her father’s credit score, and why she got fired from Sephora in 2019."

Authorities claim Clarissa’s ability to triangulate a location based on a blurry photo of a generic HDB corridor far exceeds the capabilities of any state-funded satellite.

"Liddat only mah, very easy one," Clarissa added while setting up a fake LinkedIn profile to view her rival’s career trajectory.

"You want to play play with me, I make sure your whole family tree also I can find until 18th century ah."

Relationships in Singapore are now less about romantic chemistry and more about who can conduct a more thorough digital colonoscopy than Interpol.