Singapore Woman Declares National Emergency After Friend Posts Unedited Group Photo

The Singapore Civil Defence Force has been deployed to Orchard Road following a catastrophic breach of friendship between local influencers. Tiffany Teo, a "lifestyle creator" with 12k bots—oops, followers—declared a Level 5 National Emergency after her former bridesmaid posted a group photo where Tiffany’s jawline appeared "mildly human" rather than "sharpened to a lethal point."

The ensuing 72-hour Instagram Story war featured 400 slides of microscopic white text on black backgrounds, meticulously detailing "the truth" behind a stolen $15 eyelash sponsorship and a shared Caesar salad from 2019.

"Every time I see their story, I want to vomit blood," said witness Charmaine Low. "One girl say the other one is snake, then the other one post quote about 'fake friends.' Correct or not? Both also plastic, still want to complain. Don't know why they so hiao, always want to play victim."

Officials fear the sheer volume of passive-aggressive "receipts" may cause a total blackout of the national power grid.