Singaporean Woman Wears Explosive Vest to Avoid Marriage Questions

Local spinster Cheryl Tan has successfully upgraded her CNY survival strategy by strapping five kilograms of C4 to her chest to discourage relatives from asking why she is still single.

The 32-year-old noted that the annual reunion dinner is less of a festive meal and more of a public execution via communal steamboat.

To counter her mother’s comments on her "prosperous" waistline, Tan has reportedly wired her chair to deliver a 500-volt shock to anyone mentioning "carbohydrates."

"Eh, last year my Second Auntie say I look like char siew bao, this year I standby detonator already," Tan remarked while sharpening a chopstick into a shiv.

"One more time she ask why no boyfriend, I will blow this whole HDB to Jurong, confirm plus chop," she added with a blank stare.

Experts suggest the only way to survive the family gathering is tactical domestic terrorism.