Singaporean Women Now Require ‘Pre-Engagement’ Proposal To Assess Future Husband Material

In a shocking display of commitment-phobia, Singaporean women have reportedly begun demanding ‘pre-engagement’ proposals to assess their partners’ suitability for a potential future proposal. Sources confirm the trend involves the boyfriend staging a small, intimate 'proposal' (often involving a heavily-filtered McDonald’s ring) only to be told, "Sorry, steady lah, but maybe next quarter we review again." One bewildered prospective fiancé, Kenji Tan, lamented, “She said my PowerPoint presentation on our five-year financial plan was ‘solid, but lacked emotional resonance.’ Now I’m back to Square One. Steady pom pi pi already!” Experts suggest this new ritual is merely a strategic pivot, allowing women to maximise their proposal portfolio before settling on the one who can correctly identify all seven types of imported artisanal mineral water.

— Sarah Lim