Singaporean’s ‘Healing’ Southern Ridges Walk Results in Level 4 Dehydration and Despair

Local masochist Marcus Ng attempted to "unwind" at the Southern Ridges, proving that Singaporeans can turn even a leisurely stroll into a humid death march. Clad in $400 of compression gear to walk on a literal bridge, Ng sought a "mental reset" amidst the stench of 4,000 other sweaty overachievers.

"I just want to lepak, but the stairs make me want to sign my own death certificate," Ng gasped, his face the colour of a ripened dragonfruit. "One more Henderson Waves incline and I jump down, swear down. Relaxing my bird, lah! I should’ve just stayed home and blast the aircon until my nipples hard."

Experts suggest "nature" in Singapore is merely a humid waiting room for an early cardiac event.