Sinkies Hold State Funeral For Dying Tampines Fast Food Joint

The nation has entered a period of national mourning after the Tampines Mall McDonald’s shuttered its grease-stained doors after thirty years of enabling childhood obesity.

Grown adults were seen weeping into their McSpicies, treating the departure of a multi-billion-dollar conglomerate like the fall of a beloved dynasty.

A "loyal customer" was honoured for his legendary feat of surviving thirty years of sodium-induced heart palpitations.

"Wah lau, my whole youth I come here skip school and pak tor one," sobbed a middle-aged witness clutching a Hamburglar plushie.

"Now where I go to feel sad and eat cold fries?"

Staff were gifted a cake to ensure they remain pre-diabetic before being shipped off to the bus interchange to continue their minimum-wage suffering.