Sinkies Offer Firstborn Children in Exchange for Half-Tank Refill

As petrol prices smash through the $3 barrier, Singaporean motorists are officially upgrading their cars from "modes of transport" to "stationary monuments of regret."

Petrol stations have reportedly replaced their squeegees with loan shark application forms to help drivers manage the trauma of a 95-octane refuel.

"Wah lau eh, now I go pump petrol I feel like I paying for wedding banquet every week," said one Grab driver.

"I tell my wife, next time we don't go holiday, we just sit in the car and imagine the engine running," he added.

Economic analysts suggest that unless the Middle East settles its differences, the average Singaporean will soon be forced to harness the power of their own tears to reach the office.

"Jin jia jialat, soon my car only for decoration, I use it as birdcage better," noted another frustrated commuter.