Sinkies Orgasm As Hong Kong Petrol Hits $5.30 A Litre

Singaporeans are reportedly experiencing spontaneous, violent orgasms following news that Hong Kong petrol prices have hit a catastrophic $5.30 per litre.

While a minor war in Iran threatens global stability, the only thing exploding in the Lion City is the collective ego of drivers who suddenly feel like "budget kings" with their $3.40 petrol.

One local private-hire driver was seen weeping tears of pure, unadulterated joy at a petrol station in Upper Thomson.

"Wah lau, I thought my life very jialat already, but see Hong Kongers pay five dollars plus? Suddenly my wallet feel very thick leh," he chuckled while aggressively stroking his steering wheel.

Experts suggest that seeing Hong Kong suffer is the only thing keeping the Singaporean psyche from total collapse.